Carmen Cossavechi will be a guest columnist from time to time. Carmen writes from South Philadelphia.
Ron asked me to write-a this for the newspaper or sometin' like that. Anyways I don't want no payment or nothin'.
I live-a in South Philly, down near the Broad and Mifflin. We love-a the Eagles and the Phillies, dem bums, but nobody sits out on the stoops no more. Nobody.
In the old days, we use to listen at night when Del Ennis struck out, or on the holy days when that bum Norman Snead threw the interception all day. And to think-a, we traded him for Sony Jurgensen. Madonna!
Now, nobody-a sits out no more to listen. Not anymore. And I'll tell you-a why.
Today-a, everybody got to have a dog. It's-a fashion, walkin' the dog. They bring-a the plastic bag and when the dog goes, they scoop it-a up with-a the bag. Then they go home.
But I'll tell ya, the bag-a doesn't get it all. No. The bag-a leaves a-excess. So when they go-a home, there is-a the excess on the ground.
Now you times-a this by...who knows, maybe a thousand-a dogs in a South Philly. Who knows-a?
So I'm-a saying, you have-a lots of-a the excess on the sidewalks and streets. The excess draws-a the flies. So times this-a by a thousand and you have-a lot's a flies all over. Okay? So-a nobody sits out no more. Let's say-a we are-a sittin' out and a fly lands on-a the rim of the Mrs.' Bud Lite, know-a what-a I'm saying? Who knows-a where that flies-a been? Could have-a just come from a pile of the excess. You know I ain't-a givin' her no good night kiss.
When-a the Mrs. and-a me walk down the Passyunk-a to look at the lights, we have-a to step over all the excess. It's a crime-a. Some-atimes it ain't just the excess-a, it's-a the whole thing, if you-a know what I mean. Just sittin' there.
People have-a no decency no more, with the dogs and things. Excess-a all over the place, and the flies. Whatayagonnado?
Another thing, them bums is making too much money. Gettin' paid-a millions, and-a we suppose to sit out with all them flies comin' from the excess-a?
Them-a dogs ruined a good thing. Next time I'll write about sometin' else-a, God Bless.
Oh-a, one-a more thing. No kids is playin' in the parks no more. Use to be playin'-a ball all day. But them parks, these people walk-a dem dogs there and they go in the park. How many? Who knows, could-a be thousand dogs. Now-a you know why these kids is-a sittin home in front of-a da computer all day. It's-a dem dogs. Madonna!